Chaos And Humor!
by Vixen-Hana
Summary: A collection of humorous one shots! YaY! Includes some of the minor characters like Kakeru Manabe, and Shigure Sohma! Come read the fun!
1. Kakeru Manabe: The Rice Bowl

**Yes, yes! Welcome to Chaos and Humor, a palce where you find many (Well, not alot yet) humorous one shots! Well, I usually write romance, mostly focusing on the main characters, Tohru, Yuki, and Kyo, so I decided, what about the minor characters, like Kakeru Manabe, Shigure, Kisa, Ayame, Rin, Haru, etc. so I tried to think of a Kakeru Manabe story, and well, it turned into humor! YaY! Well, please review, if you like them, and if it wouldn'ty be to much to ask, can you help me decide who to write about next? (here) Thank you! o.O Petit-chan**

Kakeru walked down a crowded school library. For some reason, it was noisyer(is that a word?) than usual. Why? Kakeru didn't bother to ask, or even wonder. His eye was on the prize. His reason for existance.

Kakeru grinned as he thought to himself. In Manabe's case, this was not a sighn of anything but mischeif, and total caous.

He shoved his way through a crowd of school girl.was TOO loud, and the hallways ecohed with excitement, inapropriate talk, and like usual, jibberish on the cute, or hot Sohma boys (Mostlly coming from the girls, and some prissy boys) as Yuki blushed in a corner, Kyo fumed, and Haru said something about migets and fairies (dont ask) Kakeru had finally shoved a good days worth of faces to the side, and had earned his keep at the center of the crowd.

Haru scratched the back of his head. "...A mystery..." He finished his last statement on the subject of fairies. Kyo and Yuki stared at him blankly, to make sure he was done.

Kakeru treid to hide his grin. He reached in his pocket, fumbling for anythin edible. After turning every pocket he had on his body inside out, he sighed in defeite, and jammed his fists back in his pockets, and started to make his way out, like a dog with his tail between his legs.

Just then, there was a loud clatter, and Nabe quickly stood up, to find that he had knocked down a small like first year girl, who was holding as much plates as she could, in her small hands (Only like four) Kakeru noticed one had fallen to the floor.

"Are you going to finish that!" He asked anxiouslly.

"Um..no..b-but if you would like one...I-i could get you another one--" The girl blushed at the grinning Manabe.

"That's fine!" He grabbed some chop sticks from her hand and scooped up the bowl, and started walking back to the center. The girl slowly followed him.

_This has to look real._ Nabe shoved a small pile of rice into his mouth. Suddenlly, there was chocking sounds, aand he started to call fo help. He fell onto his knees. The first year stared at the choking boy over the bowls, and every person in the hall turned to stare at them.

"Nabe's chocking!" "Kakeru!" "Oh no!" "Somebody do something!" Many voices popped from the crowd.

Kakeru stammered onto his feet, looking at the ground. A few people gasped, and it turned dead quiet.

"IT"S A MEIRICLE! A DIED AND REINCARNATED TO MYSELF IN TWO MINUTES!" He yelled.

Everyone's faces went blank. _That will keep them quiet!_

Kakeru gave off his grin and picked up the bowl that had fallen (again) and shoved more food into his mouth, as he walked away.

**Furuba Chatter**

Yuki: That was short.

Petit-Hana: Yes, well, it is a one shot.

Kakeru: Where's the other funny part!

Penny011: She forgot it!

Petit-Hana: Don't talk Penny! You didn't help in this story!

Penny011: You didn't let me!

Petit-Hana: That's because you were at home grounded for a month! (Across the street)

Kakeru: Hellooo!

Petit-Hana: Ah, yes! Well, you see, I thogut it didn't fit into this story very well, and it would make this a two shot, so i'll add it as it's own story in here later!

Kakeru: Beat that Shigure! I'm having more than one story here! Ha!

Petit-Hana:Because, your the most likely to do something dumb...

Kakeru: This one wasn't that funny...

Petit-Hana: You're right! ToT waaaaaa!

Kyo: Don't c-cry!

Yuki: Please don't, it's only a story...

Petit-Hana: (sniff) did YOU like it?

Yuki: Of course.

Kyo: uh, yeah, sure. Why'd you have to write about HIM?

Petit-Hana: Because he's Kawaii! I like to write about Kawaii guys! (Not including Shigure)

Shigure: Are you saying i'm not kawaii!

Petit-Hana: Yes! I am! Tee hee.

Yuki: Will you write about me?

Petit-Hana: Well, since you are kawa--

Kyo: Hey! You said you wouldn't write about us!

Petit-Hana: But you guys are so ka--

Kyo: And stop using that word!

Petit-Hana: Cute. Hot. Pertty. Lurvely. Adorable?

Kyo: Gaaaah! That's worse you moron!

Petit-Hana: Then I won't write about you!

Kyo: w-why would you!

Yuki: So you don't feel left out.

Kyo: Why I ought to--!

Yuki: See.

Kyo: Grr!


	2. Shigure: Rin,You Forgot Your Hair

**Yes, yes! Hallo! This one is a Shigure story, and is funnier than Kakeru and The rice Bowl, but that's okay! I don't usually like writing about Shii-san, but since I thought of this funny story, I HAD to add it! I hope you like it! By the way, this was inspired by Volume nin (Manga, duh) and if Shigure ever had feelings for Rin, i'm not sure, so don't get ideas, just cuz I said he does. Thank you! o.O Petit-Chan!**

**RiN, YOu FoRgOt yOuR hAiR-- a Shigure story**

Shigure thogut about Rin. "RIn, one day, I will confess my love for you." He whispered.

"Um, Shigure-san, i know this is a little direct, but would you mind gonig to the store, for a few supplies?"

Shigure turned to look at her.

"Well, you see, I got a (sneeze) a cold and I (sneeze) I f-feel dizzy-"

"Alright!" Shigure cheerfully jumped over Tohru, (Who fell to the floor due to her dizzt state) and ran out the door.

"Kyaa!" Tohru ran out the door and chased Shigure down the street.

"S--shhigguuureee! You forgot the shopping list!"

After having to carry Tohru back home, who had fainted on the sidewalk and scared a local post man (He passed out), and having to deliver the rest of the mail, and calling in to the post office that the mail man would be a few hours late, he was now out the door.

"Um Shigure? Did you not go to the store?"

"Oh my god! I left everything at the check out!" Shigure zoomed past Tohru, causing her to fall again.

Shigure ran past a gift shop, a wig store and a restaraunt, when his eyes met a figure, with long black flowing hair.

_I have to do it. I have to confess to Rin. Hm. I should try being mysterious._

Shigure ran to the figure, and emerged her with a long kiss. After a while, Shigure slyly turned away. He stated to walk back home (Forgetting the grocceries) and he looked at his hand. There was a mass of black hair tangled onto it. He went back and tapped her shoulder.

"Rin, you forgot your hair--"

Shigure stared at the old woman. He stared at the hair. A wig!

"GYaaaaaahhh!"

Afterwards:

"Hello?" (Rin)

"Ah, yes, Isuzu-san, I was rumaging through some grocceries and I found your hair--"

Tohru stared at the wig.

"Kyyyyyyaaaaaaahhhhh!"

**Furuba Chatter**

Shigure: Your so mean! You made me make out with a old woman!

Petit-Hana: Did you enjoy it?

Shigure: Well--

Kyo: Eww! Gross! You perverted bastard!

Yuki: (sigh) Must you always be so perverted?

Kyo: Whaaat!

Yuki: (sigh) I wa talking to Shigure.

Kyo: GAaah! I-I knew that!

Petit-Hana: Yeah, well, I passed this wig shop the other day, and in the window, there was one that looked like Rin's. It was probably a cos-play store.. my point is when i saw it, at the time, I was trying to think of a Shigure story, and i saw it...the wig...the story rushed into my small brain.

Kyo: It's got to be small, since you wrote a Shigure story!

Petit-Hana: Waaah! Kyo's being mean!

Kyo: D-don't c-cry!

Yuki: Miss, it's just a story. Besides, what does the CAT know?

Petit-Hana: Petit-**chan **Yuki!

Kyo: What did you mean by that you prissy rat!

Yuki: Yes. I'm sorry. Petit-chan, then.

Kyo: Listen to me when i'm talking to you rat boy!

Yuki: I can't listen. Your stupidity is distracting me.

Kyo: Grrr!


	3. Hatsuharu: It's Shakira!

**It's Shakira!-A Hatsuharu Story**

**Yes yes. I know. The title is weired, and the other stories weren't as funny. So here, this one is better. Don't get mad at me! It's not my fault I can't keep up with my fics anymore, plus someone elses! This one, unlike the others, is in Haru's P.O.V, and it pretty much is, what he says in his mind. In other words, Haru's telling the story. Kinda.**

"La,la,la,la,la!"

_Oh great. Here comes Momiji in his little skirt._

(Momiji pauses and looks to see if he's wearing a skirt.)

"But Haru..."

"Just go on with it!"

_Sheesh. Who wears a skirt in this weather?_

"But Haru, i'm not wear--"

"Shutu up! You read minds now!"

"No, your just saying it all out loud--"

(Attacks Momiji to the ground)

"Get out of my head!"

_Why is he carrying a teddy bear and a topeless barbie? So Momiji IS straight? Unless he's a girl, then he'd be..._

"Haru!"

_So which is it...?_

(momiji stares at him evily)

"Will you play dolls with me?" _little gay boy asks._

_Depends who I get to be..._

"Why should I?"

"You can be Glenda!"

(Haru stares at the topless barbie/prostitutive slut/whore/ugly cheap doll) _isn't it all the same?_

Later on

_La la la la la..._

(Skipping with Momiji to a mud puddle in the middle of the street)

_We sat down in the puddle like idiots._

_What do sluty barbies sound like anyways._

thinks)

_Like men..._

"Glenda does not sound like a man Haru!"

"Get out of his head!" _Glenda yelled in a manlly voice._

"Why am I topless fu!" Glenda yelled.

"Do'nt you remember!"

"Why is she topeless Momiji!"

"She wants to be Shakira when she grows up!"

_"_I'm going to go swim fu!" Manlly Glenda yelled at the bear.

_Into the mud!_

(Later on..)

"I'm Glenda the slut! Kiss me bear!"

_Manly voice.._

(Haru presses the dolls face into the bears nose)

(The bears head rolls off)

"You had surgery bear!"

(Momij stares at Haru)

"Than I must confess, I too have had surgery! I am really..." Glenda pauses for dramatic affect.

"GLEN! THE 81 YEAR OLD HOBO WHO LIVE IN A BOX IN PITSBURG!"

(Momiji faints)

"What fu? Is bear too hot for you! He's mine! Mine!"

(Haru attacks momiji with the doll)

Whack!

Whack!

Whack!

_Gee. 86 whacks and until now the damn ambulance comes._

(After Momiji gets out of the emergancy room..)

"kiss me bear!"

_Look...a car..._

(momiji pulls him to the side, avoiding the car...)

_I dropped Glenda!_

Crrrraaaaaccckkk!

"Glenda!"

(Haru sits there crying)

"But Haru, you could just tape her back togeth--"

(Haru dunks her in the mud)

"It's a funeral.

(Two days later)

(A little boy rides down the street in a tricycle)

"What's this?"

_A zombie?_

"AHHHHHHH! MOMMY! IT'S SHAKIRAAA!


	4. Peanut Butter Makes You Mental

**Hi! I don't know who this story is mainly focused on...anyways, tell me what you think. To scatter brained, or funny? I can't tell... Waaaa!**

"Waaaaaaaaaaa! The neighbors moved away to Texas!" Momiji yelled.

"We have neighbors?"

"Shut up Tohru!"

"Kyaaaa?"

"But all i did was say Doodily-doodliy-doo, neighboreenos!" Yelled Momiji.

(Silence)

(Silence)

(Say something already)

"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me! Don't you wish your girlfreind was fun like me! Don't ya! Don't ya!" Hatori sang in the kitchen.

(Silence)

Haru walked in.

"holy Batman! Haru, did you hear Hatori sing!" Momiji yelled.

"Yeah, he's the best thing since sliced bread." Haru answered with a smirck.

"Go away!" Hatori yelled.

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore toto." Haru petted Glenda and walked away. (Glenda's a doll)

"I am man kyo!" Kyo ran in the room, and picked Tohru off the ground.

"Kyaaaaaaahhhhhaaa!"

"I am man Kyo! Beware!" Kyo ran off, dropping Tohru on cement.

"Oww!"

" I just saved alot of money on my car insurence..."

"But Shigure, You don't have a car."

"Shut up Hatori, the Gecco made me say it!"

(Little Geico Gecco walks in)

"You know," (Grabs Hatori by the colar)

"I can save you alot of money on that car of yours." Gecco said.

"You can?"

"Yes, just let me borrow your keys for a second. It's for safe keeping."

(Hands Gecco the Keys)

(Gecco jumps in car)

"SO LONG SUCKERS!"

(Silence)

"Im- A Wario! I am Gonna win!" Hatori yelled. (Suffering from mental problems, due to a peanut butter cookie)

"I see dead people! No wait, that's Akito..."

"Hatori! How dare you say that!"

"Go away Akito!" (Rin throws him out the window)

"THAT"S FOR YESTERDAY YOU SHOUNEN-AI BASTERED!" Rin yelled.

Kyo walks in the room with a can of 'Chicken of the sea' tuna.

"Is this chicken or Tuna?"

"Kyo..."

"Man Kyo! I'm man Kyo!"

"Man Kyo... see, a chicken got (beep) ed by a fish, so then, they had a egg, and when it hatched, it looked like a chicken, but actually, it tasts like tuna." Haru said.

"So it's tuna?"

"Partlly.."

(Kyo runs away.)

"Jinkies!" Hatori said in a squeaky voice.

"Yes, we know your Velma Hatori." Yuki says.

"Lions and Kisa's and bears! Oh my!"

"Hatori, shut up!" Kisa comes in with dynamite.

"Where dya get that?" Momiji asked.

"Haru. Now go stand over there!" Kisa pointed to the toilet. They gathered next to it.

"May the force be with you! Hey, where's Kyo?" said Hatori.

"That's MAN Kyo to you!"

Kisa snaps a picture, as Shigure and Hatori's heads fall into the can.

(Next day)

"Kisa! What type of picture is that! You shouldn't be ooking at those kind of things.!"

"but mom, it's just Hatori and Shigure dunking there heads in the can!"

(Puts them on internet, and emails them to every person on earth. You didn't get it? Then your computer got kidnapped by it's data. ha ha.)

**Yeah. Bad way to ending this one. Anyways, this one came in kinda random, due to my scatteredd brain, so yeah. I did have other things Kyo could have said, but it would offend my little friend. oh well. Oh, if you ever read Swimmy swimmy Se horse: Inside hatori's MIND, I got the idea for this there. Yeah. I doubt I directlly copied anything...**


End file.
